Once you walk through the doors lust opens for you, you are introduced to a limitless supply of lust candy. You will see all kinds of flavors, colors, and combinations—things you never dreamed of. You will meet women that say and do all kinds of sexual things twenty-four hours a day, but ask for nothing in return.
There are some lies lust likes to use more than others. One of the top five is, “You can handle this by yourself.” Once you believe this lie, all hope of you getting better is gone.
Lust is conniving. Lust makes you believe you have powers you don’t have so that you can have your way with lustful thoughts. There is a lie lust breathes into your life that allows you to incubate the seed. That’s the lie of, “As long as I don’t ______ ” Then lust lets you fill in the blank. This lie makes you believe that, “As long as I don’t ________”: look at women at church; look at real women, just pictures; don’t participate in sex acts with them; don’t touch them; don’t get caught, or; don’t pay for it, it’s okay. This list can be endless. You believe that as long as you don’t cross some self-created line, you are okay. In my experience, at some point, those who buy this lie of having a line move it, or allow it to become blurry because it has become too tangled.
One of my favorite sermons was given by a pastor friend of mine. He entitled it, “There’s No Such Thing as a Secret.” Unfortunately, this friend was living a double life. The same week he gave that sermon, he got caught acting out sexually with others and ended up losing his church.
Lust tells the lie, “It’s exciting.” I remember an accountant whose life was extremely boring. He worked nine to five, took a sack lunch every day, and was routinely home by 5:15. However, he believed lust was exciting.
A question I hear often from Christian men is: “Is lust really wrong? After all, I’m not hurting anyone.” Let me address the first part of this question. Think back to the scene in the Garden of Eden. The serpent asked Eve, “What did God say?” He questioned God’s word and has used that tactic successfully since the first sin.
The phrase “not possible” is by far the most paralyzing lie lust has in its arsenal. The lie, “it’s not possible to be lust-free” is quite simple, but its impact can have decades of results.
Lust is tricky. Even though you don’t deserve the lifelong, increasingly beautiful helpmate in your life, lust will tell you that you still don’t have enough.
I love being a lover spouse. So, I randomly buy cards for Lisa. These aren’t just for birthdays or special occasions. These are just simple “I love you” cards so she knows I’m thinking about her. To be creative, I place them in different places—her sink, car, under her pillow, by the blender where she makes her morning smoothie and her office. If you’re already a lover, you’ve already been creative with your spouse. Keep this going. Not everyone feels good at being creative. Let me share some ideas for those who feel challenged in the area of creativity. I find creativity is like a muscle—the more you use it, the more it grows and becomes stronger. The less you use creativity, the smaller it becomes in your life.
Do you remember making it a priority for yourself to remember things that were important to them such as specific dates, people and events? Do you remember planning a date for your spouse with such detail that you knew they’d have a good time? Do you remember buying a favorite coffee, tea, chocolate or flower that you knew they would love?
If I was to ask you make a list of your spouse’s positive qualities how long would that take? If I was to ask you to make a list of your spouse’s negative characteristics how long would that take? Whatever would take you the longest might be your focus.
Then there’s the future preoccupation of what you’ll do later today, next week, month, year, and so on. Your preoccupation with the one you love goes into thousands of directions—what they wore, how they smelled, what they did, how they smiled, how they touched you, the activities and people you interacted with together, what you learned about them, how they think and feel, how compatible they are to you, and how they complement you. They’re amazing, wonderful and just thinking of them gives you a warm feeling.
What do you think of when I say the preoccupied? Perhaps words such as adrift, aloof, day dreaming, or unfocused come to mind? We can get preoccupied about sports (especially in certain regions in our country), politics, work, hobbies, technology, entertainment and apps. The world we currently live in provides ample opportunity to divide and distract our heart, mind, and emotions on any given day. However, when a lover is preoccupied with the one they love, it’s really a different experience than being preoccupied about anything else in the universe.
Characteristic #10-Empowering
Characteristic #9- Apologizes
Charateristic #8-Equal
Characteristics #6-Fearless
Characteristic #5-Honest
Characteristic #4-Grows
Characteristic #3- Chooses Responses
Characteristic #2-Emotions Are a Choice
The characteristics of an emotionally internalized person can be clearly seen. With the externalized person, it is as if there is a zipper tag on the outside of them for others to control, whereas the internalizer’s tag is on the inside. As we walk through the characteristics over the next few weeks, you will get a clear idea who these people are and how to recognize them. You may even be surprised to see that those in your life may be more internalized emotionally than you once thought.
I want to share with you the best part of this letter, the one verse that turned my world upside down and fueled my desire to stay sexually pure over the past two decades. I have walked you through some painful Scriptures up until now. Now here is the payoff. “To the one who is victorious and does my will to the end, I will give authority over the nations…” (Revelation 2:26).
Satan's so called, deep secret is quite simple: be immoral. He has used this same trick throughout the centuries, but it’s not a secret anymore. Anytime you’re being tempted into immorality or viewing pornography, you are following the teaching of our enemy hook, line and sinker. Anytime you are following the path of sexual purity, you are following the Spirit and teaching of our God. It is that simple. I can tell you that after seeing so many men come clean from this fog, the simplicity of the truth of sexual purity becomes clear and self-evident once again. Actually, I love seeing this light bulb come on in men, be it at a conference or in my office.