Life Without Shame

One of the best things you can do for yourself in regards to eliminating shame is simply not do things that you know you’ll become ashamed of. If you make a lifestyle of doing the right things, you’re more likely to build a positive self-esteem. Moreover, if you do good for others without letting them know about it, you will feel even better about yourself. Imagine if all the secrets you had inside of you consisted only of how you had helped others! Life without shame is much more satisfying, incredibly so. If you do commit a less-than-wonderful act, talk about it as soon as possible so shame can’t grow. I hope you will honestly evaluate your performance so you can be freed and claim sexual success.

D Douglas Weiss

Admitting is Critical

Many of us have had situations in our childhood that we have had to admit. Maybe we stole something or something happened to us and we had to admit what we did. Do you remember those feelings of dread before we admitted something? Then we went ahead and admitted it. We told what we did or what happened to us. After we admitted it, we felt less heavy or burdened and as if we could now move on. Admitting for the sexual addict is one of the hardest things we will do in our recovery. Admitting is a very important aspect of recovery and only those who admit to sexual addiction can move forward in recovery and life.

D Douglas Weiss

Intimacy Roadblocks #4

The pain of living with someone with Intimacy Anorexia is huge. If you see yourself or your spouse in any of the characteristics this can be a great beginning to understanding what’s keeping you both from an awesome marriage.

D Douglas Weiss

Intimacy Roadblocks #3

Sex addiction is one addiction I’ve specialized in treating for more than thirty years now. This addiction brings its own unique set of difficulties for the addict and his or her spouse. As with other addictions, it robs the person of emotional, spiritual, and moral development. Sex addiction comes with added layers of secrecy and shame, which limits his or her ability to be authentic inside or outside the bedroom. It has an increasing distraction element to it that insidiously steals from the marriage or relationship. Hours of pornography, masturbation, sexting others, or arranging sexual hookups or relationships with others become huge impediments to a great marriage.

D Douglas Weiss

Intimacy Roadblocks #2

This roadblock to intimacy is one not as widely thought of as the abuse roadblock, but it can definitely affect your marriage at a very deep level. If you’re addicted to anything— alcohol, drugs, sex, pornography, food, gambling, entertainment, social media, work, ministry and so on— it robs you of emotional, spiritual, and moral development. I’ve worked with thousands of addicts in my center and this is so true.

D Douglas Weiss

Intimacy Roadblocks #1

Some of us were physically abused and hit intensely without any purpose. Some were physically neglected growing up, and didn’t receive the medical attention or other help they needed. Immature, addicted, or mood disordered parents might have inflicted emotional abuse or neglect. Yelling, shaming, and falsely accusing, can damage souls if this was the environment in which you grew up. As children and adolescents you may have been neglected emotionally and unable to be honest or share feelings in the home or weren’t supported in aspects of your uniqueness (another form of neglect).

D Douglas Weiss

Insight Into Step Eleven

Step Eleven: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.

D Douglas Weiss

Your Destiny is Tied to Others

God has designed you and me to do amazing things for His kingdom, and our level of sexual purity will determine how useful we are. Sex and destiny are linked. This is why the devil works so hard to ensnare you in sexual sin. His goal is to neutralize you through immoral sexual behavior, thereby making you ineffective for the kingdom. Your destiny is tied to the destiny of others—all around the world. Now is the time to get clean. Your family, friends, church and even nations are waiting for you. I could give you hundreds of examples of men who were caught up in pornography, adultery, and every other improper sexual behavior, who decided to repent, become accountable, and build a team of support. As a result, they began to help others and change the world.

D Douglas Weiss

It Takes Hard Work

No matter who you are, it all comes down to doing the work. Tom Landry was a famous professional football coach for the Dallas Cowboys. During his tenure, his teams made it to multiple playoff and championship games. While he made everything look easy on the outside—always maintaining a calm demeanor—he had a saying about leading his players. “Leadership is getting someone to do what they don't want to do, to achieve what they want to achieve.” He knew his players had to show up at practice and do the work if they wanted to win. The same is true with recovery. It’s hard work and the end result is well worth it. Unfortunately, most people find it easier to stay hidden in a sinful lifestyle, than to be honest with themselves. It takes great courage for you to first admit there is a problem, and then to commit to doing something about it. You won’t regret it. God will honor your hard work.

D Douglas Weiss

Attitude Check Series #7 - Learner

Marriage brings changes over the years. You move from apartment to house to having children, to having children in school, to having kids in college, the children’s weddings, grandchildren, aging, and more. Each stage reassures us that, as servants we will grow, learn, and adapt. Also, the person we serve changes. What they enjoyed as a young person (ice cream or vigorous exercise) might change as they age (salads and rest).

D Douglas Weiss

Attitude Check Series #6 - Christlike

We must not hesitate, procrastinate, or do any other “ate.” We must agree with the goal. We must be able to say to God: “I agree with your agenda to change me into Christ’s likeness on earth so that during the little amount of time I have here, people will experience you.”

D Douglas Weiss

Attitude Check Series #5- Fairness Does Not Exist

Today, I want to share two of the six roots of fairness.

D Douglas Weiss

Attitude Check Series #4 - Fair

Most of us like to have things fair. Marriage is not fair in any way, shape, or form. Marriage is intentionally designed to cause you pain and inconvenience in order to teach you to love your spouse unselfishly. And by so loving them, you become Christlike. This process is not fair, but it is necessary to become Christlike in many ways—to lay down our lives for our spouses. Remember; this is love.

D Douglas Weiss

Attitude Check Series #3- Resentful

Resentment often arises due to some sense of entitlement or thinking, this is beneath me, I am more important than this, or this isn’t my job. It creeps in over time. Sometimes we do not even know it is there until we are asked to go above and beyond what we thought it meant to be a good spouse.

D Douglas Weiss

Attitude Check Series #2 - Resistant

This is the attitude I see a lot from both men and women, but more men than women. Often they go to churches where the men are told it is biblical to dominate and bully their wives into “submission.” (Interestingly enough, I have never spoken to men or women who teach this who are actually submitted to real spiritual authority themselves.)

D Douglas Weiss

Attitude Check Series - #1- Responsible

Recently, we went out to a restaurant with our children and a couple of their college friends. The waitress was great. She stayed on top of refilling drinks and she got the order right for all six of us—exactly as we asked—without having written it down. We all talked about how good the service was as we left. In another example, Lisa and I went out to a local restaurant after work one night. The waiter was so friendly to both of us and so competent, we went back again just because of the service we received. The attitude in which service is given has a significant impact on those being served.

D Douglas Weiss

Kindness Series #7 - Intentional Kindness

Kindness is something we can do intentionally. Much of what we do in life can be done intentionally. Imagine if your spouse woke up in the morning and prayed, “Lord, help me to be kind to my spouse. Give me eyes to see Your opportunity to plant kindness today. I want my spouse to taste Your fruit of kindness today through me.”

D Douglas Weiss

Spoken Kindness #6 - Teamfulness

Teamfulness is a word that I have coined to define the way a husband and wife operate in unity with team spirit. Marriage is a team sport. You and your spouse are on the same team. You will have the greatest success if you think and act like a team.

D Douglas Weiss

Spoken Kindness #5 - A Kind Touch

Sometimes kindness is spoken more loudly by a touch than by any words you speak. Holding your spouse’s hand gently can express volumes of kindness. A gentle caress or light back-scratching can be felt as a kind affirmation of your spouse. A foot or back rub in private can really send a message of kindness toward your spouse.

D Douglas Weiss

Kindness Series #4 - Spoken Kindness

The first seed of kindness we can sow into the heart of our spouse is words of kindness. Start responding kindly to your spouse. Often, out of laziness or familiarity, we begin to be gruff, sarcastic, or demeaning in our responses to normal questions. Our answers seem sharp instead of seasoned with grace.

D Douglas Weiss

Kindness Series #3 - Types of Kindness

There are several kinds of kindness that should be a part of your love agreement. Kindness is a pivotal behavior in the love agreements. Kindness is caring for a spouse with great gentleness and without a trace of meanness. Kindness is a meek person who has strength but chooses to use it in a gentle manner toward the people he or she loves. Gentleness is a directed strength with the sole purpose to support, encourage, or strengthen our spouses.

D Douglas Weiss

Kindness Series #2 - Kindness is a fruit of the Spirit

Kindness is a fruit of the Spirit. It’s a fruit we all need to eat. There is something special in the nutrients of this fruit that makes anyone feel special.

D Douglas Weiss

Kindness Series #1 - Kindness is Like Oil

Kindness is something your spouse needs daily. Your spouse may not even know he or she needs it or even how to ask for it. It is just very obvious when kindness has run out.

D Douglas Weiss

Three Dailies for Marriage Success

Dailies are marriage recovery exercises that every couple can use to build and strengthen their relationship.

D Douglas Weiss