The Four Promises of Marriage - The Final Grade
I will ask for a letter grade on all 4 promises: A-F
The Four Promises of Marriage - #4 Cherish
Do you hold as important the things that your spouse considers important?
The Four Promises of Marriage - #3 Honor
Promise #3 - Honor
The Four Promises of Marriage - #2 Love
Promise #2
The Four Promises of Marriage - #1 Forsaking All Others
In this series, I want to go through the four promises generally made in wedding vows. I take couples on a journey through these promises as a tool to evaluate/remind them of the specific promises that they made to one another and the meaning of those promises. I’ve found this exercise to be very helpful for intimacy anorexics as well as the spouses of intimacy anorexics because it serves as an eye-opening example of what marriage is supposed to be based on their own vows.
Solid Principles: Hero in the Story
Most of us men love a good hero epic story. You know the classic theme of good guy gets into some conflict or trouble. He then meets Merlyn, Mickey Mouse or gets the magic power, gem or formula, and fights the good fight, defeats the foe of some kind, gets the beautiful woman and obtains the kingdom.
Solid Principles: Part Ten - Prayer and the War
Prayer is a critical part of staying off the road to trouble. Praying daily as a Christian man is essential, whether you pray on your knees, in your truck, with hands up, or down. Connecting to God, praising Him and listening to Him are critical in order to walk in any spiritual strength.
Solid Principles: Part Nine - Daily Declaration
I find making a daily commitment to stay on the right road and avoid the road to trouble is helpful. I accept that I am at war, not just with the devil and this very sexual culture, but I am also at war with me. In James 1:14 it says we are drawn away by our own lust.
Solid Principles: Part Eight - Respect
Respect is a core issue for men. Wives are told to respect their husbands, but honestly some men make that difficult. If you don’t keep your word, keep up with home projects, pray with her, do the dishes, laundry and try to love her the way she wants to be loved, then it will be hard to respect you. Ask yourself if your behavior around the house and toward your wife is truly respectable. If the answer is no, you are creating a very difficult environment for your wife to respect you.
Solid Principles: Part Seven - Praise and Touch
In counseling men for more than twenty-five years I can say, without any reservations, that the vast majority of men feel loved and appreciated by being praised and physically touched. If you are like most of us, this is going to be an issue you will have to address, or it can leave you vulnerable as a single or married man.
Solid Principles: Part Six - Exit and Entrance Signs
Every public building you walk in has exit signs over the doors. Many, if not all states, require exit signs to be lit so they are easy to see. Many buildings will also have entrance signs on the door they want you to enter. The building may have many doors, but usually just one is marked entrance.
Solid Principles: Part Five - Imagine the Worst
I find this exercise helpful, especially for the guys who dabble with fantasy, pornography and masturbation, who think they will never cross the line as they pave their way on the road to trouble. I say to them, let’s just suppose you did fornicate or commit adultery. First, I have you list all the people it would affect if they found out. This list should include past, present and future. People you grew up with, friends, family members, children, grandchildren, coworkers past, present, and future, neighbors, pastors, church members, people you ministered to and so on. This list can easily get to a hundred people especially when you think that each of them will be telling their friends and hairdressers. If you didn’t already list them, I have you add Jesus and God to the list.
Solid Principles: Part Four - Don't Believe in a Secret
I am absolutely flabbergasted at how many men believe in secrets. They think that within a secret, magically the truth will not be exposed. This is like the dog that puts his head under his paws thinking that because he can’t see us, we can’t see him. Jesus taught that what we do in secret will be shouted from the rooftops (Luke 12:2-3).
Solid Principles: Part Three - Talk to Your Wife
The women that God gives us to be our wives are amazing. In most cases they are on our side. They want their marriage and family to work out and last a lifetime. They married us looking for the happily ever after.
Solid Principles: Part Two-Be Honest
Dewayne was never honest with anyone about his sexual past until he came to my office. He was fifty years old before he disclosed about his cheating on girlfriends, pornography and masturbation. Being honest about your sexual past can bring healing to that past. Also, when you review your sexual past, you learn cycles that can help you to break patterns in your life now.
Solid Principles: Part One- Fear God
God is love and He is to be ultimately respected for creating you and giving you the blessings in your life. It is God who is to be feared. When we fear God, we hate evil (Proverbs 8:13). Hating evil is a result of fearing God. Much like your teenage years, there were certain things you knew not to do because you knew your dad’s stance on that and you knew he would implement consequences.
How sex addiction affects the brain
What is sexual maturity in a relationship
The Awesome Power of Spiritual Intimacy Series #14 - Honoring Emotions
To acquire the skills necessary for emotional intimacy we must shift the way we think about emotions. We must learn to honor them. By honoring emotions, you assert that they are a real, valuable, precious part of the person you love. These feelings are an essential part of your spouse’s being.
The Awesome Power of Spiritual Intimacy Series #13 - Overcoming Emotional Constipation
Emotions are powerful. If they have only three outlets as mine did, it can cause “emotional constipation.” Emotional constipation is when a person has many more feelings than he or she has the skills to express or identify. This constipation will show itself differently in various people. Some fly into rages, while others pout or stop talking to their spouse for days at a time. Regardless of how this constipation manifests, it never moves a couple toward intimacy.
The Awesome Power of Spiritual Intimacy Series #12 - Connecting Emotionally
Connecting is fundamental to having and maintaining emotional intimacy. Many of us grew up unskilled emotionally. As a teenager in my home, I can remember that we seemed to express only three emotions. The first emotion we communicated was anger. The second emotion we were allowed to display was “really angry.” This was when doors were slammed or something was thrown. The last permitted emotion was what I call “other.” Other meant, “Leave me alone!” “I’m going for a walk, a drive or a drink.” This emotion found some other way to avoid or not process what we felt.
The Awesome Power of Spiritual Intimacy Series #11 - God The Father-in-Law Perspective
Most people hope and pray that our children will grow up and find future spouses who will be kind and affirming. Our feelings toward our child’s spouse are based upon whether he or she is willfully neglectful or consistently loving and kind toward our loved one.
The Awesome Power of Spiritual Intimacy Series #10 - Nurturing Is A Skill
In our modern-day vernacular, God might have said, “This is My boy. I love Him, and I am so happy with Him!” How interesting! Of everything He could have chosen to say to Jesus, He intentionally nurtured Him. Jesus wasn’t needy or psychologically impaired. He was a person, and God can’t help but nurture people.
The Awesome Power of Spiritual Intimacy Series #9 - Nurturing Each Other
Nurturing another individual’s soul is an effortless gift for some. They glide through their daily activities encouraging the hearts of people they meet all day long. But extracting a kind word from others requires an act of Congress.