Stop and think about a kind touch your spouse blessed you with and where you were? How did you feel? You can give that feeling to your spouse at will because you possess the power of kindness. This power takes the whole world away and allows you to drink in pure love from your spouse.
Praise and nurturing one another is an essential ingredient for a vibrant ongoing intimate relationship. In the next one hundred days of practicing praise and nurturing you will get skilled and comfortable with the exercise of giving and receiving. For some husbands and wives the giving of praise is difficult. For others it is the receiving or acknowledging praise that is more difficult. Still for others both aspects of giving and receiving praise is difficult.
I want to share with you, the one verse that turned my world upside down and fueled my desire to stay sexually pure over the past two decades. This Scripture promises that if we overcome the duplicity of sexual immorality, God says, “I will.” He didn’t say maybe, or I might, He said “I will.” When God says, "I will," He keeps His Word. Period. When God says He will give you authority over the nations, He will. Notice He did not say authority just in your home, your city, state, or country—but, “over the nations.”
The culture and the enemy will throw temptation at you. Remember, Jesus had a prostitute wash His feet with her hair, and yet saw her personhood, valued her, and didn’t lust. The same purity lives in you and can be strengthened by all the tools you have in your arsenal. You are destined for a lust-free life. When you allow Christ to be the master of your thoughts and your values toward women, you will see amazing spiritual growth, because this kind of honor for others is a major component for understanding the kingdom of God.
Lust will try to negotiate for anything less than total annihilation. It can work its spell of patience and future compromise back to a more prominent place in your life. Never believe the lie that lust is in any way a lady, or that it will easily submit to your wish for it to leave your life. If lust ever presents itself as a lady, it is lying to you.
God knows our thoughts. I think He not only knows them, but He ultimately evaluates them. If you think your thoughts are your domain and that God cannot see, hear, or judge them, you will be tempted to keep lust in your life as much as you want.
A good recovery exercise is to memorize and quote appropriate scriptures to strengthen your spirit when you snap the rubber band, but continue to use the rubber band to recondition your brain. On average, the person who is consistent with this reconditioning exercise of the brain finds about 80% of the fantasy lifestyle subsides within the first 30 days. If continued throughout the first 90 days, intruding thoughts normally become minimal and manageable with other exercises discussed later. This is a great exercise to truly “take your thoughts captive.” You deserve a clean thought life and a retrained brain, and with consistency and deliberate application, you can achieve it.
A lot of humans experience rest and peace through meditation, and are able to still the constant obsessive thinking that prevents them from hearing what God has to say: that they are significant, they are loved, and they deserve to be healthy. Meditate on God’s character, your personal relationship with him, some scripture or recovery material you have, and allow them to really sink in to your spirit. Be still and God will speak to you.
Let the truth of scripture become true to your heart. When you and Scripture believe the same way, you begin to manifest the mind of Christ. Scripture can be a very powerful and ever expanding tool to help you remain in your lifestyle of remaining lust-free.
Once you find a scripture that works for you, there are several principles you can use to apply it to your life. First, read it daily. Second, put it in your phone or use it as a screen saver. Third, memorize it. Finally, pray it to God.
For Scripture to achieve its designed purpose, you must believe. Use a concordance to find and study Bible verses with these words: “lust,” “covetousness,” “adultery,” and “flesh.” Stockpile scriptures containing those words in your arsenal. You might also find it helpful to add to your arsenal scriptures on love, holiness, sanctification, or other positive words to give you a boost in fighting this war.
When you believe a scripture, lust has no strength against it. Scripture does what kryptonite does to Superman. It weakens the grip of lust on your mind and can make it quickly flee from your heart. Remember, lust is your flesh. The Word of God can kill your flesh and heal you at the same time—like nothing else on this planet!
Lust is deceptive. It deceives you into thinking you aren’t hurting your children when you lust. That concept is a lie.
Going back to the Garden of Eden, we realize that lust can be very sneaky. Lust tells you every woman is potentially yours and because of that, you are allowed to inspect and assess any woman you want. Lust makes you believe women in general are yours to do with as you please.
Once you walk through the doors lust opens for you, you are introduced to a limitless supply of lust candy. You will see all kinds of flavors, colors, and combinations—things you never dreamed of. You will meet women that say and do all kinds of sexual things twenty-four hours a day, but ask for nothing in return.
There are some lies lust likes to use more than others. One of the top five is, “You can handle this by yourself.” Once you believe this lie, all hope of you getting better is gone.
Lust is conniving. Lust makes you believe you have powers you don’t have so that you can have your way with lustful thoughts. There is a lie lust breathes into your life that allows you to incubate the seed. That’s the lie of, “As long as I don’t ______ ” Then lust lets you fill in the blank. This lie makes you believe that, “As long as I don’t ________”: look at women at church; look at real women, just pictures; don’t participate in sex acts with them; don’t touch them; don’t get caught, or; don’t pay for it, it’s okay. This list can be endless. You believe that as long as you don’t cross some self-created line, you are okay. In my experience, at some point, those who buy this lie of having a line move it, or allow it to become blurry because it has become too tangled.
One of my favorite sermons was given by a pastor friend of mine. He entitled it, “There’s No Such Thing as a Secret.” Unfortunately, this friend was living a double life. The same week he gave that sermon, he got caught acting out sexually with others and ended up losing his church.
Lust tells the lie, “It’s exciting.” I remember an accountant whose life was extremely boring. He worked nine to five, took a sack lunch every day, and was routinely home by 5:15. However, he believed lust was exciting.
A question I hear often from Christian men is: “Is lust really wrong? After all, I’m not hurting anyone.” Let me address the first part of this question. Think back to the scene in the Garden of Eden. The serpent asked Eve, “What did God say?” He questioned God’s word and has used that tactic successfully since the first sin.
The phrase “not possible” is by far the most paralyzing lie lust has in its arsenal. The lie, “it’s not possible to be lust-free” is quite simple, but its impact can have decades of results.
Lust is tricky. Even though you don’t deserve the lifelong, increasingly beautiful helpmate in your life, lust will tell you that you still don’t have enough.
I love being a lover spouse. So, I randomly buy cards for Lisa. These aren’t just for birthdays or special occasions. These are just simple “I love you” cards so she knows I’m thinking about her. To be creative, I place them in different places—her sink, car, under her pillow, by the blender where she makes her morning smoothie and her office. If you’re already a lover, you’ve already been creative with your spouse. Keep this going. Not everyone feels good at being creative. Let me share some ideas for those who feel challenged in the area of creativity. I find creativity is like a muscle—the more you use it, the more it grows and becomes stronger. The less you use creativity, the smaller it becomes in your life.
Do you remember making it a priority for yourself to remember things that were important to them such as specific dates, people and events? Do you remember planning a date for your spouse with such detail that you knew they’d have a good time? Do you remember buying a favorite coffee, tea, chocolate or flower that you knew they would love?