Some anorexics have absolutely no difficulty asking for sex. For some, sex is not part of their anorexia at all. However, many intimacy anorexics have difficulty or even great difficulty asking their spouse for sex. Rational or not, they know sex and marriage are part of each other. The asking, however, is a tool they just never acquired.

Get two chairs out facing each other. The anorexic is going to ask their spouse to be sexual three times, then the spouse will ask the anorexic three times. You both, when responding will respond positively like, “great”, “love to”, “looking forward to being with you.” You both do a set of three times of asking and responding three times for a total of nine for each person. I have placed some statements below that couples have found helpful to ask. Two guidelines in asking are:

1. Speak directly, rather than using a vague statement such as, “Do you want to go upstairs?”

2. Use only I statements. Say, “I would…” not “Do you…?”