If you're married and your spouse is withholding sex from you, that can be painful. While there are some similarities, Sexual Anorexia and Intimacy Anorexia are two different things. They can happen to either gender regardless. 

 

Sexual Anorexia is mainly withholding sex from the partner. In the relationship, things are pretty much alright, but in the bedroom, you're alone. You feel unwanted, uncared for, and in pain from not being connected to them that way. This happens even if the individual has a sex addiction and is engaging in pornography, infidelity, etc. 

 

Intimacy Anorexia is moreso about the intimacy and the avoidance/withholding of it. Specifically, it is the active withholding of spiritual, emotional, and sexual intimacy from a spouse. Everyone else thinks the man or woman is a wonderful person, but inside the marriage, their spouse feels alone, disconnected, unwanted and rejected in many areas. This pain inside the marriage is from the Intimacy Anorexia. The characteristics of intimacy anorexia are: 

 

1. Busy - stays so busy that they have little time just for you but time for everything else

2. Blame - blames you on a regular basis for the problems in the marriage

3. Withholding Love - does not love you in the way you receive love or like to be loved (They know how by loving you to get out of trouble.)

4. Withholding praise - finds it very hard to praise you or do it very infrequently

5. Withholding spiritually - doesn't pray, connect or open up their heart spiritually to you

6. Withholds sex - is disconnected during sex or don't have sex with you for weeks, months or years

7. Feelings - is unwilling or unable to share their feelings with you

8. Anger or silence - maintains or creates distance to avoid being intimate

9. Criticism - is constantly critical with ongoing or ungrounded criticism

10. Money - limits or controls money from you

11. Roommate- they treat you not like a spouse but like a roommate (that’s how the relationship feels like)

 

Depression, low self-esteem, weight issues, and PTSD can result from experiencing Intimacy Anorexia from your spouse. However, there's hope for you. If this applies, you can get help with that and work through the healing of your neglect. We have counseling, groups, and resources for your availability. Your spouse can get better as well but even if they choose not to, you can start your next step.