Addicts of all kinds are highly self-motivated. When they truly want to do something, they don’t need pressure or reminders—they simply do it. One way I assess whether an intimacy anorexic is genuinely in recovery is by observing their creativity.

Are they finding ways to complete the Three Dailies, even when their schedule changes? Are they honoring their sexual agreement and staying connected with their group members? Or is their creativity being redirected toward excuse-making, avoiding responsibility, or intentionally creating emotional distance and pain for their spouse?

You may have heard the phrase, “Follow the money” when trying to uncover the truth with addicts. When it comes to intimacy anorexia, the principle is similar: “Follow the creativity.” It will tell you everything you need to know about whether real recovery is taking place.