As an American or Western believer, culturally we are trained to appreciate the instantaneous in our lives, whether it be instant coffee, instant microwaveable food or popcorn, instant Internet access, instant cell phone access, and more. How many times a day do we push a button of some type and something occurs instantly?
The human race has a fundamental flaw in its processing regarding “looking good.” We honestly believe we are to “look good” at all times. I have no idea how most of us believe in this but it is prevalent everywhere. From the student who forgot his homework but it was “his roommates' fault” or “the computer’s fault” to the parent who attempts to correct her child and inevitably the conversation is turned toward another sibling or some other child in the neighborhood that is really the one to blame for their behavior. This is nothing new; it goes on all the way back to Adam and Eve.
I know you’d be happier if the next fight in your marriage only lasted for ten minutes and then it was over. What I want to share with you here is a principle of resolving conflict in only ten short minutes. More information on this idea and many other ways you can improve your marriage in just ten minutes a day can be found in my new book, The Ten-Minute Marriage Principle.
A large part of being a Christian man who is sexually successful is leaving a positive and healthy legacy for your sons. Your sons look to you for modeling in every area of their life. Rarely do we take a moment and think about what kind of sexual role model I am being for my son. You have the responsibility of having the sex talk with your sons. What do you say? When? So I thought we would take a journey through this part together. I want every man to feel confident in passing sexual health down to your family. This may get challenging for some, but stay persistent as it can change the life of your son, his son, and so on.
The first myth about forgiveness is that the person who has sinned against you has to be present to forgive them. Some people don’t believe they can forgive someone unless they are right in front of them. I know personally most of the many people I have forgiven in my life were not present when I forgave them, and yet I was able to forgive them anyway.
1. Talk about it
There are some lies lust likes to use more than others. One of the top five is, “You can handle this by yourself.” Once you believe this lie, all hope of getting better is gone.
Let’s talk about the structure of your accountability first. Think about a behavior you want to get control of. Now tell this behavior to another person. Tell them exactly (not kind of) what has control over your life. Be brave, the embarrassing part is short-lived; the freedom can be lifelong.
A pastor friend of mine gave one of my favorite sermons. He entitled it, “There’s No Such Thing as a Secret.” Unfortunately, this friend was living a double life. The same week he gave that sermon, he got caught acting out sexually with others and ended up losing his church.
#1 You shall have no other gods before me. I love this. God first declares I am God, Lord, and deliverer and His first command is to have no other gods. I love the logic of God. If He is God, there is no other. To have other gods of any kind would be to live in a fantasy or delusion of some type. God doesn’t live in fantasy, but in reality, and a reality that He alone is God.
There is a direct connection between your sexual integrity and your destiny in Christ. God has designed you and me to do amazing things for his kingdom, and our level of sexual purity will determine how useful we are. Sex and destiny are linked. This is why the devil works so hard to ensnare you in sexual sin. His goal is to neutralize you through immoral sexual behavior, thereby making you ineffective for the kingdom. And after thirty years of counseling men on this issue, I can tell you this is evidence that the devil is scared of you. Yes, afraid. Here’s why.
Every man I have ever met has had one of those days when several things didn’t go the way he expected. I know you have had them, too. You didn’t get the job, were passed over for the promotion, got stuck in traffic, got yelled at by your wife, or were ignored by your dog. Bad days happen to all of us.
I believe consistency is the key to success in your life and especially in your relationships. This can be applied to so many things. For example, it is the person who eats right, exercises, and abides by the principles of health that in the end typically is healthier than others of their same age who ate as they pleased, and was a couch potato. The principle of consistency is also true of wealth. Those that work, save, and invest will be wealthier than their peers who spent all of their earnings and whose work habits are slothful. God also blesses those that consistently seek Him, (Hebrews 11:6.) Consistency is the key to attaining any goal of significance. Therefore, when we talk about marriage and God’s intent and design for it, it is logical to say consistency is a huge component to a successful marriage filled with love and intimacy.
Lust leads you down a long road. The first place lust leads you is sin. This is where you get to actually do some of the things you have fantasized about, thinking nobody will know and you won’t get caught. The second place is death. This is where you pay for the previous sin with guilt, shame, and consequences. The last place lust leads you is to God’s judgment of your life, time, energy, and resources. Lust knows where to take you. It’s time for you to realize the journey and stop believing the lies lust continues to tell you.
When Jesus washed His disciples’ feet, could you imagine Him saying: “Boys, line up! I have to splash water on your disgusting feet to make a point. I am doing this only because my Father wants me to do it. Hurry! Let’s get this done.” In the Bible, not once do you see Jesus serving with a bad attitude. I think this is because He embraced His calling to serve humanity. Out of His acceptance, He had a good attitude in serving us humans.
For some people nurturing souls is a gift that is a part of their daily activities. They encourage the hearts of those they meet all day long. For others a kind word can take an act of congress for it to be extracted. Remember the old cliché “I told you I loved you the day I married you. Why do I need to tell you again?”. We laugh of such thoughts when we hear them but I can tell you as a therapist who treats couples, a man or woman who is not nurtured by their spouse regularly becomes a very different person than if they would have been nurtured.
Maintaining sexual success while you build whatever kingdom you are trying to build is the cornerstone. A sexually healthy brain is critical.
In the last two decades, the sexualization of our culture has grown exponentially. Never before in the history of the world has so much explicit material been available to so many people at the same time. The devil has moved the porn store from the dark side of town directly to your cell phone. When it comes to corrupting the church of Jesus Christ, the enemy will stop at nothing.
Martin Luther is believed to have said that there are three conversions of a man: his heart, his mind, and his purse. I think he had a good understanding of the complexity the role money plays in a person’s life.
One universal, dynamic malady affects many of us, regardless of where we live on this vast planet we call Earth. Though this malady inflicts untold damage upon our lives and the lives of those we love, it often goes undetected.
The first myth about forgiveness is that the person who has sinned against you has to be present to forgive them. Some people don’t believe they can forgive someone unless they are right in front of them. I know personally most of the many people I have forgiven in my life were not present when I forgave them, and yet I was able to forgive them anyway.
Friends are probably one of the greatest factors in being successful during a singleness. It’s quite normal—and has been repeatedly researched—that in this stage of life the primary influences in your decision-making process are your friends. At this point mom, dad, and church take a back seat to your friends.
Sometimes people allow themselves to become objects in order to survive emotionally. As an object, they can project anything they want to those around them in an attempt to be accepted and survive. As an object, you will have struggles connecting emotionally, especially in romantic relationships. As an object, you will also struggle with being authentic.
Gook is sins, mistakes, willfully and unknowingly hurting each other, that all of us have. Since not one of us is sinless, everyone is going to have to deal with the issue of sin, mistakes, otherwise known as gook. There is another way to live. I call it the forgiveness lifestyle. It will cost you some time and effort but down the road you can save 100s of hours in pain or conflict. This forgiveness lifestyle helps you fully live.