One thing that keeps you from becoming a great spouse is just plain sin. Sin is something you’ve been convicted of by the Holy Spirit—that you’re doing wrong and you keep doing it. That is one area of sin. You unconsciously think or behave as, “I know it’s wrong but too bad I don’t want to change.” This type of sin is when you handle yourself in a willful way to not address a known behavior or relationship that is unhealthy in your life. My experience is when we get this attitude of willfulness in an area of our life it affects our heart. The impact on our heart—guilt, shame, secrecy, rebellion—will impact us in our marriage.

How we treat our spouse is a big issue to God. Sin is different than abuse, addiction, anorexia, and family of origin issues. These you identify or work your way through to become an awesome spouse. With sin you have to acknowledge to God and your spouse and repent. When you repent you verbally ask forgiveness and make a plan to change your behavior. Having accountability with a same gender person can keep you from going back to your sin.