Step Five for Sex Addiction - "To Another Human Being"

Step Five:"Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs."

Step Five for Sex Addiction - "To God"

Step Five:"Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs."

Step Four for Sex Addiction - "Fearless"

Step Four: "Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves."

Step Three for Sex Addiction - "Our Lives"

Step Three: "Made a decision to turn our wills and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood God.

Intimacy Anorexia Patterns #5

Intimacy anorexics often live in an object world. The relational world is too dangerous for the intimacy anorexic to reside in for too long. In the object world, you can exchange characteristics like you would order extra features on an automobile. On a particular day, you might not be “the right object” to the intimacy anorexic. You might not be rich enough, helpful enough, or have the right personality or physique. You are simply not “the right object” for the day. Since you are not “the right object” for them at the moment, you can be punished. This entitlement to “the right object” upon demand can trigger an intimacy anorexic pattern of behavior.

Intimacy Anorexia Patterns #4

Most individuals who are not intimacy anorexic realize how little control they have in their lives. They don’t really believe they control people in their life when they can barely control themselves. They have no faith in the illusion of control, or even controlling the perception others might have of them, that’s just way too much work for most of us.

Intimacy Anorexia Patterns #3

If you’re not an intimacy anorexic, this one won’t make any sense at all. As humans, we are all flawed. We expect to make mistakes, be ignorant, hurt others, embarrass ourselves, and at times be caught or exposed when it happens. For the intimacy anorexic, trying to live in the “I’m really good” box and being found out to be flawed, can trigger an intimacy anorexic pattern of behavior.

Intimacy Anorexia Patterns #2

One thing many intimacy anorexics talk about frequently is safety because they have bought into some fantasy that they are not to be hurt or questioned. They really want safety: not most of the time but all of the time. If they feel unsafe, even if they simply make it up that they are not safe, this could ignite an intimacy anorexic pattern of behavior.

Step Three for Sex Addiction - "To Turn"

Step Three: "Made a decision to turn our wills and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood God.

Q&A-Sex in Marriage

Q&A - Destroying the Seed of Lust

Intimacy Anorexia Patterns #1

Let’s go back to the definition of intimacy anorexia—the active withholding of emotional, spiritual, and sexual intimacy. If things are going along really well and the intimacy anorexic is feeling close to you and feeling like an intimate, emotional, spiritual, or sexual encounter is about to occur (e.g., the children are with grandma and there’s anticipation of real connection or a sexual rendezvous) this could ignite intimacy anorexic withholding behavior or several behaviors. This withholding or pushing away is intentional to cause pain for the spouse, so they won’t want intimacy or even ask to be close to the intimacy anorexic.

Step Two for Sex Addiction - "Greater Than Ourselves"

Step Two: "Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."

Sex after Recovery

If sex addiction, infidelity, or intimacy anorexia have ever been present in your marriage, you and your spouse's sexuality can be impacted both significantly and uniquely. Our sexuality is a beautiful, strong part of who we are. Regardless of where we started or what has happened along the way, we can grow and heal and become very healthy sexually.

Step Two for Sex Addiction - "Came To Believe"

Step Two: "Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."

Step One for Sex Addiction - "Unmanageable"

Step One: "We admitted we were powerless over our sexual addiction, and that our lives had become unmanageable."

Step One for Sex Addiction - "Admitted"

Step One: "We admitted we were powerless over our sexual addiction, and that our lives had become unmanageable."

Have an Attitude of a Lover-Spouse

Imagine waking up in love with your spouse rather than feeling like you are in some philosophical, duty-based, check-off-the-box of being a good husband or wife state of mind. Instead you wake up wowed and feel the same way you were enamored by them when you first held hands or kissed.

A Lack of Intimacy Destroys Relationships

Intimacy is necessary to create and sustain lasting relationships. It keeps you connected, allows you to be present and enables you to meet the other person’s needs. Relationships built on solid foundations and constantly renewed by intimacy are beautiful things. A lack of intimacy kills relationships. Picture your relationship like a lake. Intimacy is the stream that flows into the lake and constantly renews and feeds it. As soon as the stream dries up, the lake soon becomes a dry plain of cracked, sun-baked mud. Don’t let your relationships dry up and choose to be intimate intentionally.

Lovership

A lovership is when we not only believe we can be a lover to our spouse every day, we actually authentically behave this way.

"WE"

Paradigms in Marriage

The paradigms of your mother and father’s marriage can be the most influential paradigms you bring to the wedding day. The consistent exposure to your parent’s ideas about marriage is the “sauce” you were daily marinated in for at least two decades.

The One Second Rule

The one-second rule is simple. When applied, it can stop the Christian sex addict from beginning a fantasy before it happens. If you are looking at someone in an inappropriate manner, count to three, and then turn away. DON’T look back! I realize some of you think and process very quickly, so for you, the one-second rule would apply. For instant scanners, don't even count to one. Look away instantly! This works great, especially in public places like malls, restaurants or driving.

The Reality of AIDS

The reality of AIDS is everywhere. As an addict, you definitely need to be aware of your possible risk. If your sexual behaviors have included people other than your wife, you definitely need an AIDS test. This is not just for your peace of mind, but so you know you are not continually exposing your wife to a possible life-threatening disease. This test can be done anonymously in most of the larger cities in our country. The results take anywhere from a couple days to a couple weeks.