Coming Back from Infidelity

Counseling Christian leaders that have fallen to infidelity, pornography, prostitution, or other sexual inappropriateness has been a regular occurrence in my office for the last thirty years. When you do something or anything for almost thirty years, you learn quite bit about that subject. I want to share with you what I have learned about those who fall and get back into a growing ministry. I also want to share with you want I learned about those who fall and don’t go back to ministry or have such a small ministry if they do go back in their own strength.

The Story of Jezebel

In Revelation, Jesus introduces the “woman Jezebel.” The Lord is using a name from the Old Testament to describe this woman’s character. The original Jezebel was introduced in the book of 1 Kings as the wife of King Ahab. She had profound influence, and used it for evil. She quickly became the most feared person in Israel. The Bible records several incidents that made her infamous for evil deeds ranging from false accusations, to murder, to mass murder, to forgery. However, history has shown that the name Jezebel is now primarily synonymous with sexual immorality. And from that one association come all the other evils that plagued Israel during her reign. She derived her power from her sexuality and then used it to dominate, control, manipulate, and murder.

Celebrating Your Spouse

Celebration is one of the favorite characteristics that I love about God. If there is one thing our God is, it is a celebrator. He could have made the world all one color, but no, He celebrates His creation with endless amounts of color. All you have to do is drive upstate New York in the fall to see the splendor of color.

Becoming Emotionally Fit

About five years ago I got myself into a situation: I was 15-20 pounds over my ideal weight. I carried this extra weight for a couple years and found it hard to lose.

3 Tips on Overcoming Lust

Lust is a powerful enemy in the lives of men all over the world. (Yes, it affects women as well, but I am primarily speaking to men in this article.) Although collectively as Christians we know lust is wrong, the immorality of lust is still prevalent throughout the church. In over 30 years of counseling sex addicts and witnessing first-hand the amazing miracles and healing God can do, I have identified some common lust habits as well as proven tools to overcome them. God desires for all men to live a clean life and be free from lust once and for all. In this article, I will outline three proven tips to help you as a man overcome lust and fulfill your God-given potential.

When Men are Kings

For many years men have struggled with their role within the church. They may be successful at home, in business and socially but when they walk through the doors of the church many often feel unsure of their place. Many feel that if they didn’t attend Bible school, they can’t become a valuable instrument in their church. For a long time, men have been sold a lie in the church that they are laity not royalty.

Your Freedom isn't just about you

There is a direct connection between your sexual behavior and your destiny in Christ. God has designed you and me to do amazing things for his kingdom, and our level of sexual purity will determine how useful we are. Sex and destiny are linked. This is why the devil works so hard to ensnare you in sexual sin. His goal is to neutralize you through immoral sexual behavior, thereby making you ineffective for the kingdom. And after twenty years of counseling men on this issue, I can tell you this is evidence that the devil is scared of you. Yes, afraid. Here’s why.

A quick tip to help you through the inevitable conflict in your marriage

Though marriage can be wonderful, it can also have inevitable conflict. Conflict is a precursor to change and growth toward becoming one flesh. Conflict is a part of your marriage progressing toward becoming a fully functioning trinity.

Bad Ideas Can Keep You in Your Out of Control Lifestyle

One of the many scapegoats that can be utilized by someone who has tried to get control over what is controlling them. Our culture and every culture for that matter is full of ideas. Since humans generate these ideas there are really good ideas all the way to really bad ideas.

Am I Addicted to Sex?

Sex addiction is getting more and more media attention. I have been asked by Oprah, Dr. Phil, Montel, even (this is really dating me) Phil Donahue and so many others what sex addiction is and how can somebody know if they are a sex addict.

Pornography is killing marriages

Pornography is a real killer of marriages today. Addiction to pornography is a huge problem in many families and the church as a whole. The impacts this evil has had on the church is huge. I have seen the total devastation that stems from pornography and inappropriate behaviors. I have written several books on sexual addiction and its impact on the spouse and children.

Ministering to the Sexually Addicted

Long gone are the days when pastors have not had to deal with sexual issues or the results of sexual issues in their congregations. In the past decade, it seems that adultery has increased, fornication has become almost normal, and pornography is common with men in the church.

11 Key Characteristics for Emotional Externalizer

People who generally externalize their feelings share a certain set of characteristics. This cluster of characteristics, seen here and there without identification, could appear random or even to be an aspect of these people’s personalities. However, when you see this cluster identifiably together, you are most likely dealing with or are in a relationship with an externalizer.

Confession can set you free from any addiction

Moving past your Anger

Anger can be a very important issue to address so that you can live a full life. As a counselor I know this anger piece will have to be addressed first before some of you can truly forgive. I know so many Christians go to counselors with abuse, trauma, and all kinds of wounding from others. They are quickly told to forgive without giving instructions on how to heal the wound. Years later they are still acting wounded but they are confused because they forgave the person.

Are You Living Married and Alone?

Intimacy Anorexia a popular term coined by Douglas Weiss Ph.D. it is the active withholding of emotional, spiritual, and/or sexual intimacy from the spouse. If you’ve been married to an Intimacy Anorexic for any length of time, you have most likely experienced many painful feelings. You may regularly feel unloved, disconnected from, misunderstood, and even blamed or criticized. Although you are married, you feel alone much of the time - married and alone. These feelings are absolutely legitimate, and your experience is universal: across all ages, religions, economic levels and cultures, those wed to Intimacy Anorexics have had similar experiences.

Are the lies of “worthlessness” nagging your soul?

Worthlessness is a nagging old voice the enemy of your soul has taunted you with for many years. However, this enemy uses “worthless” to interpret events from your life. I remember being in my dorm room in Bible college, having gotten radically saved just a few weeks prior to admission. That “I’m not worthy” voice began to talk to me. The Lord spoke to me loud and clear and asked me one simple question that changed my life. “Who are you going to believe, them or Me?”

A Bible Story of Restoration From Addiction

Men and women have been medicating their pain and bad choices throughout time. God always desires for us to leave our addictions to follow him into spiritual adulthood. He is always willing to empower and enable us to do so when we are teachable. I want to walk you through a well-known Bible story that outlines the process of addiction step-by-step.

Daily Prayer Can Help Your Overcome Your Addiction

Recovering from an addiction will be one of the hardest undertakings in an addict's life. In the midst of his addiction, the typical addict has clocked in hundreds, and sometimes thousands, of hours of repetitive, addictive conditioning. Many addicts rely heavily upon their acting out, as a primary coping mechanism before beginning the journey of recovery.

Date Your Spouse Regularly

When you get married, intuitively you sign up to have fun. You know there will be some responsibility, but really you think there will also be some fun involved. After all, it took you all these years to find your ultimate playmate, your spouse!

God Isn’t The Reason Your Behaviors Are Out Of Control

This may or may not come as a surprise to you, but so many people blame God for their out of control behavior. How many of you have seen the T-shirts “born to shop” or “born for chocolate?” I know we all laugh, but unfortunately for some, we actually believe in our hearts that somehow God himself has some responsibility for the out of control areas of our life.

How Grief Can Affect You from Having an Incredible Marriage

As a counselor, I have helped many people grieve many different events or realities in their lives. In grief counseling, the model for grief comes from Kübler Ross who studied people dying. She identified the grief stage as: shock, denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and acceptance.

Identify your emotions with this helpful exercise

It is time to get emotionally stronger! This exercise is going to take you to another level of experiencing your emotions and expanding your ability to feel any emotion you choose. Remember, emotions are not cognitions or thoughts. Emotions are an entirely different way through which we experience, process, and influence our environment and relationships.

If you think you can control lust, you are deceived

Revelation 2:20 introduces the “woman Jezebel.” The Lord is using a name from the Old Testament to describe this woman’s character. The original Jezebel was introduced in the book of 1 Kings as the wife of King Ahab. She had profound influence and used it for evil. She quickly became the most feared person in Israel. The Bible records several incidents that made her infamous for evil deeds ranging from false accusations to mass murder to assassination to forgery. The name Jezebel is casually used as a woman who cheats, is immoral or controlling. She derived her power from her sexuality; she got all dolled up for Jehu even though he killed her husband, King Ahab and used it to dominate, control, manipulate, and murder. From that one sin came all the other evils that plagued Israel during her reign. One result of her seduction was the massacre of the prophets of the Lord. She even struck fear into Elijah’s heart, one of the most powerful prophets ever to walk the earth. In…