The Three Dailies is the core of your intimacy anorexia sobriety. If you, as the intimacy anorexic, do not initiate this exercise, you have relapsed, and you did NOT have a day of sobriety. Your spouse is to do all these exercises with you; however, they are not to initiate them with you. The only way they would initiate this would be if you are both intimacy anorexic and then you rotate responsibility on a monthly basis to make sure you’re both sober.

The first of the Three Dailies is the feelings exercise. This exercise will give you both enhanced skills at identifying and communicating emotional intimacy. When you do the exercise with each other, make sure you follow these three simple rules to keep the exercise safe for both of you.

Rule #1: No examples ever about your spouse or the marriage during the exercise.

Rule #2: Maintain eye contact during the exercise.

Rule #3: No feedback when someone shares a feeling, just listen to them.

The second exercise also has to do with emotionally connecting with your spouse. In this exercise, we give two compliments or praises to each other. This is an exercise where you both think of two things you love, like, or appreciate about each other.

The third exercise is praying together. This isn’t a matter of faith, it’s a matter of recovery. Regardless of your beliefs, you both pray out loud together. Remember, by definition, intimacy anorexia includes a spiritual withholding from the spouse. This piece is essential for the intimacy anorexic, or any addict for that matter, to heal. So, the intimacy anorexic prays out loud and then the spouse prays out loud.

Make sure these three exercises are completed daily. I would also recommend that you keep track of the consistency, so you both can see the level of sobriety or addiction to withholding that you are living in.