To add another principle to aid in success, you can follow a principle of reward or consequence. Give yourself a time period a week, month or quarter. If you’re 80 to 90 percent on the lover objectives you put on your calendar, then assign a personal reward for yourself.

However, if you fall below 80 percent, then you can assign a consequence for yourself (i.e., rake leaves, give up something, do more chores or something kind to your spouse that isn’t that fun for you).

The consequence acts like a guardrail. If you haven’t been an intentional spouse, your spouse has 100 percent paid the emotional, sexual, romantic cost for your lack of responsibility. You won’t ever have to take an aspirin for your spouse’s headache because you’re not feeling the pain. You might not even believe the pain exists. The ache and pain of not having an intentional spouse is huge and can create all kinds of havoc in the other spouse’s being for sure. When you set up a consequence, you’re saying to yourself and to them, “I’ll pay my own bill if I’m an irresponsible lover.”

When you step up to the plate, like an adult, this can have everlasting change. You no longer allow them to be in pain, rather you put yourself in pain if you’re irresponsible. Now because you’re putting pain in the equation, you’ll be more likely to be successful.