The first seed of kindness we can sow into the heart of our spouse is words of kindness. Start responding kindly to your spouse. Often, out of laziness or familiarity, we begin to be gruff, sarcastic, or demeaning in our responses to normal questions. Our answers seem sharp instead of seasoned with grace.

Responding kindly is a powerful tool. Respond as though every question your spouse asks you is an intelligent question. Respond as though you always, and I mean always, have time to listen fully and answer any question your spouse asks. Try it—responding kindly can make your spouse wonder what has gotten into you.

Another form of spoken kindness is expressed by the tone we use when we speak. It’s possible, technically, to never say a wrong thing, yet communicate an unkind attitude when we talk. Remember, you will sow what you reap. This is a lesson I am still learning, because, like you, I haven’t arrived here yet either. I can choose the spirit in which I speak to my wife. This is an area I have to stay focused on to have a kind disposition when I am communicating to my precious Lisa.

A third form of kind communication is speaking kind words. Notice the little and large things your spouse does for you. Make kind comments to your spouse in front of your friends and children. Always thank your spouse when he or she is serving you in some manner. Saying “Thank you, honey, for getting the butter; that was kind of you” can highlight the kindness he or she just showed to you. Responding like that is better than merely saying, “Thanks, honey.” Both responses are adequate, but the first comment crystallizes to your spouse that you actually see his or her acts of kindness. Your spouse will eventually believe what you say—that he or she is kind.