Sexual faithfulness is probably the first idea of faithfulness that popped into your head when we started this conversation on faithfulness. Faithfulness requires exclusive devotion to each other.

You express faithfulness to your spouse by preserving the sexual exclusiveness of your relationship. Sexual faithfulness must be maintained as a top priority in your relationship.

As a counselor who has worked with sexually addicted men for more than seventeen years, I have never met a man who did not regret his choice to commit adultery. Sexual faithfulness is more than just not having physical sex with another person. Sexual faithfulness means your spouse is the only person with whom you are sexual—including yourself.

Self-sex is self-destructive in most cases. It takes the chemical bonding of husband and wife and attaches it to fantasy or pornography. Pornography must be eliminated completely. I have spoken at conferences around the world and throughout America. I have gone into Catholic, Presbyterian, Methodist, Baptist, and almost every form of the nondenominational church there is. Regardless of denomination, when I ask for a show of hands as to who believes they are struggling with sexual addiction, 50 percent of the men at my conferences raise their hands. I believe that if wives asked their husbands two questions, men would be more willing to open up and get further help for their problems. These two questions are:

• “When was the last time you looked at pornography?”

• “When was the last time you masturbated?”

I’ve noticed that when men start answering these questions honestly, they begin to heal.

Blocking the Internet is very critical to sexual faithfulness. I highly recommend the Covenant Eyes porn blocker available for visitors, as well as free newsletters and materials for those who struggle in this area. One option with this porn blocker is that you can set it up so that every stroke you make on the computer can be e-mailed to an accountability person. Your accountability person can now be aware of what you are viewing on the Internet.

We live in a very sexually sick culture. We must be wise. Sexual faithfulness also includes not flirting or giving sexual energy to other people. We maintain sexual faithfulness by avoiding even a hint of interaction or flirtation with another person.

Sexual faithfulness is one of the great agreements to keep. Couples who have made this agreement—and kept it—do not have the damage and pain in their marriage relationship that other couples have. If there is a lack of sexual faithfulness in a relationship, it takes time to regain resiliency and trust. If you are struggling with sexual faithfulness, I encourage you to get immediate help and information. We all need to make an agreement from now forward to walk in sexual faithfulness.