We admitted we were powerless over our intimacy anorexia—that our lives had become unmanageable.

These two words indicate to me that this has taken a while. It means that it took time, energy, and choices and that it was a process. It didn’t just happen. It took a while and then, eventually, it was made. Your life didn’t become overwhelming or devastated instantly but over a period of time.

Unmanageable. When we think about manageable, we think about things being in order, or serene. We can tell when we walk into a store whether the store is manageable or unmanageable. Unmanageable means unorganized and chaotic. If someone came in from the outside and saw this, they would say, “What a mess!” Sometimes this is the way we feel, and our feelings can be valid. Our lives, in many of the areas we have talked about, have become unmanageable, unconnected, uncontrollable, and unpredictable. No matter how hard we have tried to make them look good or perfect, they are not. Our lives have become empty and hollow in many respects. Now, through Step One, if we can admit this unmanageability, we have a strong hope of recovery.

I encourage everyone to take Step One seriously because it is the foundation of the Twelve Step program. It will cause you to have a good house of recovery to live in for the future.

For further step work on Step One and all of the Twelve Steps for intimacy anorexics, I encourage you to use Intimacy Anorexia: The Steps. This guide is specifically for intimacy anorexics to work through. Each step maximizes recovery and supports you in your recovery from withholding from your spouse.