In this series, I want to go through the four promises generally made in wedding vows.  I take couples on a journey through these promises as a tool to evaluate/remind them of the specific promises that they made to one another and the meaning of those promises.  I’ve found this exercise to be very helpful for intimacy anorexics as well as the spouses of intimacy anorexics because it serves as an eye-opening example of what marriage is supposed to be based on their own vows.

The first promise I go in to is the vow to forsake all others.

Promise #1 - Forsake All Others:

Right away the intimacy anorexic will be proud of themselves because they immediately say they have not had sex with anyone even if they have been acting out with pornography for decades.

Then I hone in on the word “ALL.”

“ALL” means forsaking yourself and your safety for the other person.

An intimacy anorexic is more committed to their own safety than their spouse’s safety.  They are in a promise to protect them self and their image over protecting their spouse’s heart.

Then I ask if any of this resonates with the intimacy anorexic. Generally, they sheepishly nod.

If you haven’t forsaken you, you’re still married to you, your need for safety, distance, looking good, etc.  You’re married to you until you forsake you.

Then I move on to the next marital promise, to love.

Check back for Promise #2!