Characteristic #2-Emotions Are a Choice

One of the amazing features of internalized emotional people is their neuropathic ability to choose how they feel about someone or something. It’s like their emotional processes allow them to say, “I could feel X, Y, or Z about this situation, and I choose Y.”

Erica was a young professional who had dated a man she worked with. They had dated for a few months and then broke off the relationship. Talking to Erica at a social gathering, I offered my condolences to the lost relationship. Erica looked me straight in the eyes and clearly and confidently said, “I could have gotten all down and sulky about it, but really, I feel great knowing he’s not the right one, and I’m one guy closer to finding the right one.”

I’ve been around my share of young women who experience breakups. Most don’t choose how they feel about it. Erica processed her emotions internally, looked at her options, and chose how she wanted to feel.

Choosing emotions for most of us is a skill we have to learn, a skill that the following chapters will help teach. However, Erica, like most internalized emotional people, just gets that feelings are a choice. Such people might feel down, but they decide that accepting this sad feeling may not be the best choice and then choose to feel differently.

Some people are able to do this choosing easily. For them it is a gift—an innate ability. For others, the ability might come through practice. You get there when you accept your feelings are fully a choice, and herein, you have more power in your life.