Marriage is intentionally designed to cause you pain and inconvenience in order to teach you to love your spouse unselfishly. And by so loving them, you become Christlike. This process is not fair, but it is necessary to become Christlike in many ways—to lay down our lives for our spouses. Remember; this is love.

When this attitude of wanting fairness comes knocking at your door, be careful. The desire for fairness will cause you to create a very destructive habit that will sabotage you and keep you from being an awesome servant in your marriage. The habit fairness wants to create in you is that of keeping score. (As if any human can really, in any way, weigh the complexities of the wide variety of actions in any relationship and somehow tabulate fairness.)

Keeping score is a cancer to your success as a servant. Like all the other attitudes, it starts off a little slow, with: It’s not fair that ___________, or It’s not fair that you get to __________. Then you get into a task that you are not equipped by God to do: You assess and measure what each of you do and keep score as to who is doing more. The problem is, you can only use a subjective scale, so whatever you are doing for the marriage or family, it has at least equal or more important value than what your husband or wife is doing that day, week, month, or year.