If I was to ask you make a list of your spouse’s positive qualities how long would that take? If I was to ask you to make a list of your spouse’s negative characteristics how long would that take? Whatever would take you the longest might be your focus.

Getting back your preoccupation for your spouse is like getting back into shape if you’ve put on a few pounds. If you’ve been in shape before you know the importance of getting cardio exercise back into your life. If you swim, hike, bike, run, play a sport or just hit that treadmill, you have to get back to actually doing that activity.

To remind yourself, you can put some of your thoughts and ideas into your phone. You’ll need to set aside some time daily, just a few minutes. You can mentally go over a list while you are driving but it can limit the quality of your preoccupation, and for your sake and others, I want you focused on your driving. You can put a daily alarm on your phone and find a quiet place to close your eyes and think, feel, or imagine about you lover. Here are a few thoughts to help you get back into the habit of being preoccupied with your lover again.

- What I remember about first meeting my spouse?

- Our first real together

- Our first date

- Our first kiss

- Their dreams

- Their favorite people and why

When you practice being preoccupied, try to actually not just remember the thoughts but allow yourself to feel the feeling of these positive memories together. Remember that lovers, as a general rule, feed the positive and starve the negative thoughts.