If you’re not an intimacy anorexic, this one won’t make any sense at all. As humans, we are all flawed. We expect to make mistakes, be ignorant, hurt others, embarrass ourselves, and at times be caught or exposed when it happens. For the intimacy anorexic, trying to live in the “I’m really good” box and being found out to be flawed, can trigger an intimacy anorexic pattern of behavior.

I have noticed regularly that this works in one of two ways. First, the intimacy anorexic does something less than wonderful, they know it, and they know it will probably be noticed. Here they will employ the active withholding or pushing away strategies to divert attention from the soon incoming data that they are flawed.

Second, if the spouse is questioning the intimacy anorexic, and it becomes obvious that they are flawed (by making a mistake or not planning thoroughly) you can expect a road bomb ahead. If the spouse gets too close, the bomb will blow up with many intimacy anorexic behaviors deployed all at once, which is very painful for the spouse.