One thing many intimacy anorexics talk about frequently is safety because they have bought into some fantasy that they are not to be hurt or questioned. They really want safety: not most of the time but all of the time. If they feel unsafe, even if they simply make it up that they are not safe, this could ignite an intimacy anorexic pattern of behavior.

If this is the stimulation to choose withholding, you can usually expect the really “big guns” to come out. The “big guns” are the ones that hurt the spouse the most. If safety is the issue, expect a grenade, not just an emotional bullet.