Clearly identifying the actual problem is one of the most important steps in resolving conflict in marriage. When a couple is able to name the issue respectfully and specifically, it prevents both partners from slipping into unkind or destructive patterns. Without that clarity, arguments often spiral—not toward resolution, but toward power plays, emotional manipulation, or unspoken resentment.

It’s a hard truth: not all couples fight to solve problems. Some fight to assert dominance—trying to prove who’s in charge, who can speak louder, or who has the sharpest words. Others argue to protect their pride, to vent unprocessed pain, or even to emotionally distance themselves. Some, oddly enough, fight simply to stir up drama for the thrill of reconciliation afterward. But none of these patterns lead to healing, trust, or unity.

As the Apostle Paul said in 1 Corinthians 12:31, “And now I will show you the most excellent way.” That "more excellent way"—the way of love and humility described in the next chapter—is the path we’re called to follow, especially in conflict. And love doesn’t manipulate, attack, or compete. Love seeks understanding. Love listens. Love desires peace.

For Christian couples, the best way to resolve conflict—the way that honors God and preserves intimacy—is to humbly and clearly identify one problem at a time. Not five problems. Not vague emotional storms. One issue. Defined. Named. Framed with grace. Doing this sets the stage for actual progress.

When a couple can say, “Here’s the issue I’m struggling with,” instead of, “Here’s everything you’ve ever done wrong,” they step into a space where peace, respect, and real solutions can take root. It’s not about winning the argument—it’s about winning each other back.

Conflict is inevitable. But chaos is optional. The goal isn’t to prove who’s right, but to pursue what’s right—together. And it begins with the courage to speak clearly, kindly, and with purpose.