The losses for an addict, who disclosed or was caught in adultery due to his addiction, are real. Even though they are the guilty party, they still experience losses.

The loss of image is significant for most sex addicts. They like to see themselves as “good,” a good spouse, good parent, good friend and good employee. They know they have a dark side, but they are “mostly” good in their own minds. Often, they compensate for their guilt and shame, by building almost an unbelievably good image. This image is devastated when their dark side and good side collide. The dark side is now known and, it’s difficult to sell the wonderful, good image to anyone, even themselves.

The loss of image is so real. Good people just don’t do the dark, hurtful things he has done. Many addicts have years or decades of secrets that nobody ever would suspect. Some have spent thousands to millions of dollars on their addiction.

Saying goodbye to the good image is one of the early things we do in recovery. Accepting the loss of the good image and accepting a more realistic view of oneself is a significant task for the sex addict. My encouragement to you is that you take a few moment and assess if you have accepted your losses and if you have not make it a priority in your recovery.