In counseling men for more than twenty-five years I can say, without any reservations, that the vast majority of men feel loved and appreciated by being praised and physically touched. If you are like most of us, this is going to be an issue you will have to address, or it can leave you vulnerable as a single or married man.
If you’re married, talk to your wife about your need for being touched a few times a week. Now if you ask for sex every time she tries to be affectionate, you have to take responsibility for your wife not being that excited to touch you because she’s thinking she doesn’t always want to have sex. So separate the need for touch and sex. It’s totally acceptable to ask for touch, but separate this so that touching you is safe for your wife.
There are women who find touch challenging in their marriage. They may be abuse survivors, had unaffectionate parents or feel you're overly needy to desire so much touch. She may also be an intimacy anorexic which we will talk more about later. In that case, she is intentionally not touching you because she knows you like it and it would bring you closer to her. Intimacy anorexics desire a certain amount of distance in their marriage, so they won’t touch you.
If you appeal to your wife and she refuses to meet your desire for touch, get help. Go together to a pastor, mentor couple, or counselor. If she is starving for intimacy, because you don’t pray or share your heart, give her a safe place to vent. If, however, it is her issue, it offers her a place to grow.
If your wife is totally rejecting help, then find a safe, licensed, reputable, massage therapist who your wife meets and schedule regular sessions to meet this need. If your need is met in a healthy way, you are less vulnerable if a woman touches or hugs you.
Praise is also important to men. I would say that before you ask your wife for praise, that you first ask how often and what type of praise you are sowing into your wife’s heart. Are you praising who she is, or just what she does? Are you giving praise with enthusiasm or monotone? Think about this first before you ask for praise.
Take a moment, from where do you hear words like, “great job, you’re smart, kind, creative, hardworking”? If this is mostly outside of your marriage, talk to your wife. You might want to do what Lisa and I do daily, I give her two praises a day and she gives me two praises a day. This keeps both of our needs for praise a priority in our marriage.
Single guys, also be wise about the women you let praise or touch you on a regular basis. Women know that men like praise and touch, and some will use this knowledge for their advantage to seduce you.
A rule of thumb for me is that if a woman is praising me I am cautious. If it continues, I am very cautious, because deep down I know I’m not really that amazing. If a woman touches me, especially if it’s on a regular basis, I definitely, as a married man, set boundaries so she is clear not to do that around me.