Characteristic #3- Chooses Responses
Internalizers choose how they feel about something emotionally. They have the ability to choose how to respond emotionally to a person or situation.
A situation occurs and the internalizer feels something initially, decides how she wants to feel about the situation, and then chooses a response. She does not react to the situation like an externalizer might.
This ability gives the internalizer quite a bit of power and influence in a situation or relationship. Phillip and Tami have been married for twelve years. They have a history of getting angry with each other and exploding, calling names, and being generally disrespectful of each other. Phillip has been practicing his emotional fitness program for almost two months. He expressed how Tami was still going off in her anger, but he was able to stay with his feelings and switch to respect and empathy. He talked about how he could stay calm, help her figure out what she was really feeling so she could settle down, and then helped them both get somewhere.
Phillip was learning how to choose his feelings and then his responses. As he chose his response, instead of reacting like he did in the past, Phillip was able to effectively change the outcome of an ongoing problem in their marriage that had lasted several years.