Intimacy anorexics often live in an object world. The relational world is too dangerous for the intimacy anorexic to reside in for too long. In the object world, you can exchange characteristics like you would order extra features on an automobile. On a particular day, you might not be “the right object” to the intimacy anorexic. You might not be rich enough, helpful enough, or have the right personality or physique. You are simply not “the right object” for the day. Since you are not “the right object” for them at the moment, you can be punished. This entitlement to “the right object” upon demand can trigger an intimacy anorexic pattern of behavior.
If you’re the spouse, you didn’t do anything wrong and changing won’t get you loved. The intimacy anorexic might be triggered by a picture in their mind about almost anything that will make them happier. At that moment, you are not the fantasy object. If you’re the spouse of an intimacy anorexic, this pattern can drive you crazy, because it is so random and you have no clue when it will appear, or what to do when it does appear. If you get a dose of random intimacy anorexia, you could be in the middle of an intimacy anorexic storm you didn’t create.