Most individuals who are not intimacy anorexic realize how little control they have in their lives. They don’t really believe they control people in their life when they can barely control themselves. They have no faith in the illusion of control, or even controlling the perception others might have of them, that’s just way too much work for most of us.
On the other hand, the intimacy anorexic really believes in control: controlling others, controlling their image, and controlling how others perceive them. If control is threatened by circumstances, changes of schedules, or just reality, this can ignite an intimacy anorexic pattern of behavior. You see, when you are in control, you don’t have to be authentic, close, connected, or much of anything. You decide how much of yourself you will give to your spouse; you think you are in control. If an intimacy anorexic feels the illusion of control slipping, they will exert intentional withholding behavior in an attempt to balance themselves (to regain control).