Shame is something that can make anyone retreat. We don’t want anyone to know about that secret thing we did or had happen to us. Shame is insidious. It lurks between the surface and bubbles up here and there leaving us emotionally incapacitated sometimes at the most inconvenient times.
Shame can be a root of intimacy anorexia. Not all intimacy anorexics have shame, but many do. Shame is usually connected to very specific events that occurred. These events can be of our own doing or someone doing something to us that left us with shame like abuse or neglect.
I find it helpful to write down the things we are most ashamed of. These would be the worst, of the worst, of our personal story. On a separate piece of paper, write this out in a brief manner. Then find a safe person, a recovering person, pastor, priest or counselor to share it with. Counselors are bound by confidentiality if that helps you feel safer but do ask about the limits of this confidentiality.