Absolutely. Here's an edited and expanded version of your message with improved clarity, emotional depth, and smoother flow while retaining the core insights:
One specific behavior I often observe in intimacy anorexics who are genuinely moving through recovery is what I call “leaning toward.”
In active anorexia, when the intimacy anorexic feels hurt, exposed, or threatened—especially in moments of emotional vulnerability or conflict—their default response is to pull away, shut down, or push their spouse away. Sometimes, they even do both—creating a confusing and painful dance of emotional distance that keeps true intimacy at arm's length. This “acting in” is one of the core mechanisms of intimacy anorexia: avoiding connection through silence, defensiveness, or emotional disengagement.
But in recovery, something begins to shift. When pain, tension, or conflict arises, the recovering anorexic starts to resist the impulse to retreat. Instead of disconnecting, they stay present. They lean in. They move toward their spouse—not to fight, not to flee—but to resolve the issue while maintaining the emotional connection.
This choice—to remain engaged even when it’s uncomfortable—is a powerful marker of healing. It’s evidence that emotional muscles are being strengthened and new relational reflexes are being formed. For someone who may have spent years recoiling at the first sign of discomfort, learning to stay in a forward-facing position is a profound act of courage and growth. It says, “Connection matters more than control. Repair matters more than retreat.”
This is not just a behavior; it’s a directional shift. It means the person is no longer running from intimacy, but slowly, bravely moving toward it. And that, truly, is the right road.
I encourage you to regularly check in with yourself around this. Are you leaning in or pulling away? Are you addressing pain or avoiding it? Are you building connection or reinforcing distance? These questions help you monitor your direction—not with shame, but with honesty—so you don’t stay off-course for too long without noticing.
Recovery isn’t about perfection; it’s about direction. So stay aware, stay humble, and keep leaning forward. Every small step in the right direction is worth celebrating.