Intimacy Anorexia is the withholding of spiritual, emotional, and physical intimacy from a spouse. A sexually anorexic spouse will refuse to be available to pray or share feelings, or be sexual and will rarely be affectionate. Intimacy Anorexia is very covert. You may not even realize it has been going on for many years. Sexual anorexia is counter to the goal of three-dimensional intimacy. Answer the questions below to help you identify this pattern in your relationship. If you find you or your spouse have answered “yes” to five or more questions, I would recommend more help in this area. Intimacy anorexia is similar to an eating disorder. It is stubborn but there is practical help to get and stay out of these intimacy anorexic patterns.
Intimacy Anorexic Patterns
1. Does it feel like your spouse limits or withholds love from you?
2. Does it feel that your spouse limits or withholds the amount of praise he or she gives you?
3. Does it feel like your spouse limits or withholds the amount of sex he/she gives you?
4. Does it feel like your spouse is unwilling or unable to share his/her feelings with you?
5. Does it feel like your spouse uses anger or silence to control the relationship?
6. Does it feel like your spouse has ungrounded or ongoing criticism of you?
7. Does your spouse control or shame you around money issues?
8. Do you or your spouse tend to keep yourselves so busy that you have little time for just you as a couple? (not family time, just couple time)
9. If issues or problems come up in the relationship, do you tend to get blamed before your spouse owns an issue?
If you or your spouse answered “yes” to five or more questions, one or both of you may need to address this issue of intimacy anorexia.